he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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