I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
