FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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