tell your sister to shave her snatch
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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