Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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