sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
