When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
