i will never coherently bang her
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
