dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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