We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
