She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
