I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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