I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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