you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this boner is exhausting
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
