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Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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