She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
