If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course