I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
