P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
