Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
