Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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