I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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