she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
