you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
