pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
