..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
