I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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