The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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