what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
