every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
