Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I pour the whiskey from now on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
