as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
