This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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