I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
