we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
