I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
