Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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