At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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