Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
