i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
