In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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