That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize