I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
