There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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