oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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