My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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