Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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