Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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