It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
