I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
