forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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