i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
