Your dad touched me again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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