Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
