yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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