I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
