woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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