Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
