That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
