I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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