I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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