For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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