I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
