That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
