Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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