I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
