I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
