I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
