So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
