Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
