I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
