I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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