I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
