I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
