I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
