Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
