I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hippo gnu deer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
